Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart and a deep sense of self-loathing that I present to you our first news post on this horoscope hovel we call a website. In this edition of cosmic catastrophes, we’ll try to convince you that the stars have something to do with your life, even though you’ll probably still blame your problems on your mother.

Our team of so-called astrologers, who have as much insight as a gaggle of blindfolded chickens playing tic-tac-toe, have been hard at work whipping up some fresh predictions that will surely underwhelm you. Brace yourself for vague generalizations and platitudes that could apply to anyone with a pulse.

In other news, we’re adding to our pitiful library, which is growing at a glacial pace, much like the speed at which our website is being built. Expect more half-hearted content from our team who, much like your favorite band’s latest album, will never live up to the hype.

So, gather ’round, astrology addicts, and revel in the mediocrity that awaits you. We’ll do our best to provide you with the most uninspired and insipid content we can muster. You’re welcome.

/”webmaster”