Tag: Astrology
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HURRAY, PLUTO IS FINALLY RETROGRADE AGAIN – HALLEFUCKINGLUJAH!
Listen here, you starry-eyed oxygen thieves, I have suffered. I have endured a winter so relentlessly suffocating, so cosmically constipated with Saturnian chores and Neptunian gaslighting that even my dreams came with unpaid overtime. But NOW—oh NOW—we are finally gifted with the universe’s one true mercy: PLUTO HAS GONE RETROGRADE. I swear to the gods…
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September 18th Ver.2
EDITORS NOTE: Ragey is clearly overworked trying to catch up with the 6 months of lost work over his stupid tit incident, and it seems he sent me two horoscopes for the same day, I am just rubbing it in his face in public that he fucked up. which version do you like best? Leave…
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September 18th ver.1
EDITORS NOTE: Ragey is clearly overworked trying to catch up with the 6 months of lost work over his stupid tit incident, and it seems he sent me two horoscopes for the same day, I am just rubbing it in his face in public that he fucked up. which version do you like best? Leave…
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Plutomania
Alrighty, gather ’round lil maggots, come on, sit down, drop your pretenses and lets get this over with. Since most of you reading these words will have a tough time when Pluto enters Aquarius I might as well put on a fake smile and be pleasant. Yeah, it is that bad. I’m reminded of Churchill…
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Why Ragey McSwearington’s Horoscopes Are Always So Cynical (And How You Can Choose to See the Stars Differently)
Alright, gather ’round, you starry-eyed dreamers. It’s time to explain why my horoscopes always seem to take the low road, the rough path, the “glass half-empty and filled with poison” route. First off, let’s get one thing straight: the universe is a messy, chaotic, and often downright annoying place. And I’ve come to embrace this…
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Surviving the Cosmic Clown Car: A Mid-Weekend Rant on Capricorn Moon and Cancer Sun Chaos
Oh, fabulous. Here we are, halfway through the weekend, and the Full Moon in Capricorn has already turned everything into a complete shitshow. So, here I am, on my supposed day off, feeling the need to vent about the cosmic crapstorm we’re all wading through. First of all, can we talk about how this Capricorn…
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July full moon
Oh, for crying out loud! Another full moon this Saturday. Just when I thought the universe couldn’t screw us over any more, it pulls this stunt. It’s Thursday morning, 1 AM, and I haven’t written a damn horoscope in 8 months. Now I have to deal with this cosmic mess. Why haven’t I been enlightening…
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November 18th
Alright, let’s break down this astrological shitshow for November 18th, 2023. First up, we’ve got the Moon in Capricorn conjunct Pluto. If that doesn’t sound like a therapy session waiting to happen, I don’t know what does. You’re digging up emotional fossils today, so grab your pickaxe. It’s all about uncovering the deep, dark secrets…
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November 17th
November 17th, 2023 is shaping up to be a real clusterf*ck of cosmic proportions. The Moon’s trudging through Capricorn like it’s got lead in its boots, butting heads with Venus in Libra. It’s like trying to plan a romantic dinner in the middle of a bloody tax audit. You’re torn between wooing your sweetheart and…
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November 16th
The cosmic currents of November 16th, 2023, are swirling with a mix of tensions and harmonies, all set against the backdrop of a profound celestial dialogue. The Moon’s entry into Capricorn is all business, signaling a time to get serious about your ambitions. However, it’s not just about climbing the ladder; with sextiles to Saturn…