Easter, that fluffy f*cking holiday with its cutesy bunnies and chocolate eggs. You might think it’s all innocent fun, but let me, Ragey McSwearington, enlighten you with the ugly truth about Easter and the zodiac.

First things first, the date of Easter is determined by the f*cking moon. It’s celebrated on the first Sunday following the first full moon after the vernal equinox. That’s right, it’s all about the goddamn lunar cycle, which you astrology nerds know is linked to the zodiac signs, emotions, and intuition.

Now, let’s dive into some dark sh*t. The zodiac sign most associated with Easter is Aries, the goddamn fiery ram. Aries, a symbol of new beginnings and rebirth, coincides with the Easter celebration of Jesus Christ’s resurrection. A lovely f*cking story, huh? But let’s not forget, Aries is also associated with war and aggression. It’s no wonder that during this time, tensions flare up, and people are on edge.

And what about the f*cking bunny? The Easter Bunny is nothing but a symbol of fertility, but did you know that it has astrological connections too? Bunnies are associated with the f*cking Moon, which rules over the zodiac sign Cancer, the ever-so-sensitive crab. So, while you’re stuffing your face with chocolate eggs, remember that you’re also channeling the moody vibes of a Cancer.

Don’t even get me started on the goddamn egg hunt. This Easter tradition of hunting for hidden eggs can be traced back to the zodiac sign Scorpio. Yeah, you heard me, f*cking Scorpio, the sign known for its secrecy, mystery, and transformation. The act of finding hidden eggs symbolizes uncovering buried secrets and the transformation that comes with personal growth.

So, there you have it, the ugly truth about the zodiac and Easter. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but a twisted amalgamation of lunar cycles, war, fertility, and secrecy. Enjoy your goddamn chocolate eggs.

Sincerely, Ragey McSwearington