Alright, you eager beavers, gather ’round because I’ve got some explaining to do. Seems like the horoscope well went dry from July 31st to November the 10th, and I owe you a yarn about the why and the how of this astrological ghost town.

Let’s cut to the chase. No, I wasn’t kidnapped by aliens, nor did I elope with some Venusian temptress. The truth? I’ve been in the astrological trenches, duking it out with the universe itself. See, being an astrologer ain’t just about reading the stars – sometimes, you gotta wrestle them into submission, and let me tell you, they’ve been a right pack of bastards lately.

The heavens have been throwing curveballs like it’s the cosmic World Series, and your man Ragey has been on the front line, bat in hand, swinging at every damn thing the sky can hurl at me. I’m talking planetary pile-ups, retrograde rumbles, and signs more mixed up than a cocktail at a dodgy dive bar.

During this starry standoff, I’ve been working my arse off – no, scratch that – I’ve been working to the bone to recalibrate, realign, and wrangle some semblance of sense out of the celestial chaos. It’s been me, a telescope, and a boatload of coffee against the cosmic tide. Not the relaxing beach holiday you might’ve pictured, is it?

Every day, I’ve been here, in the observatory, scribbling notes, casting charts, and shouting at the moon (literally) to get its act together. I’ve been decoding the cryptic messages of the cosmos like some kind of interstellar Indiana Jones, minus the whip and the cool hat.

And you know what? It’s been hell. But it’s the kind of hell you sign up for when you decide to tell fortunes better than some fairground charlatan. So there you have it, the raw, unvarnished truth. I’ve been AWOL because I’ve been busy keeping the astrological ship from sinking into the abyss of irrelevance.

But fear not, my star-seeking miscreants, because Ragey McSwearington is back at the helm, and the horoscopes are gonna flow like wine at Bacchus’s birthday bash. Strap in and hold tight, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the cosmic deep end. And hey, thanks for sticking around – even when the stars didn’t.