Listen up, you pathetic sacks of shit! It’s time for a general overview of the week of April 3rd to April 9th, 2023, from yours truly, Ragey McSwearington, the most pissed-off astrologer you’ll ever meet. If you thought last week was a goddamn disaster, brace yourselves for this cosmic clusterfuck that’s about to unfold.

Venus, that flirty bitch, squares off with grumpy ol’ Saturn early in the week, making your relationships feel like they’re stuck in a goddamn minefield. Expect tension, irritation, and possibly some relationship drama that’ll make you question why you even bother with other human beings. Good luck navigating that shitshow!

Pluto, that cold-hearted motherfucker, is squaring the North Node like an annoying ex, stirring up some deep-rooted fears and insecurities. You might find yourself reevaluating your life choices or feeling like you’re running in circles, chasing your own tail. Yeah, welcome to the shitstorm!