Alright, you celestial spectators, let’s cut the crap and get straight to it, shall we? This is Ragey McSwearington, your favorite goddamn astrologer. Let’s dive right into this cosmic shitshow that’s the celestial arrangement for the 29th of July, 2023.

So, our proud-as-a-peacock Sun is hanging out in Leo, acting like it owns the goddamn place. Just a heads up – expect an extra dose of arrogance and self-righteousness from everyone around. You might feel the urge to express yourself flamboyantly. You might also feel like the king or queen of the world. Hell, why not? Just remember, the world doesn’t owe you shit.

Then we’ve got Mercury in Virgo – which, let me tell you, is as much fun as a boot to the balls. It’s making everyone extra critical, detail-obsessed, and nit-picky. Expect your inbox to be flooded with “helpful” suggestions and “friendly” advice from all the armchair experts in your life. God save us all from these well-intentioned assholes.

The Moon in Sagittarius is urging everyone to break free and explore, while Saturn in Pisces is singing its usual song of “No fun allowed.” You might feel like running off on a wild adventure, but reality is gonna keep tugging on your leash. It’s like wanting to go on a Vegas bender, but you’re stuck in a budget meeting. Hang in there, folks, this too shall pass.

Venus in Leo is spicing things up. We’ve all become peacocks strutting our stuff, wanting to be admired. But remember, nobody likes a showoff. Keep your feathers in check before someone decides they need a new duster.

On the other hand, Mars in Virgo is getting its knickers in a twist over the tiniest things. It’s like the whole world is on their period, with emotions running high and tempers flaring up. Get ready for some grade-A, top-shelf drama.

Now, let’s talk about Jupiter in Taurus, which is like a bull in a china shop, causing chaos everywhere it goes. It’s not so much about expansion as it is about bulldozing through whatever’s in its way. It might seem like a big mess, but sometimes you need to tear shit down to build something better.

On to our outer planets. Uranus is chilling in Taurus, shaking things up and causing unexpected changes. Don’t get too comfortable, my friends, ’cause this celestial prankster is here to keep you on your toes.

And then there’s Neptune in Pisces, making us all get lost in a world of fantasy and illusion. It’s like being high on life, but without the fun part. Just a word of advice: don’t believe everything you feel.

Finally, Pluto, the badass of the solar system, is in Capricorn, prompting some deep transformations. Shit’s about to get real, people. You might feel like you’re being dragged through the mud, but remember, a lump of coal can’t become a diamond without pressure.

In conclusion, the celestial clusterfuck of the 29th of July, 2023, is not for the faint of heart. But hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Or at least gives you a good story to tell at the bar. Just remember, life’s a bitch and then you die. So, make the most of it while you can.

This is Ragey McSwearington, signing off. Stay strong, you beautiful disasters.