"Astrology and Astronomy's Cosmic Comedy Club"

I’m pretty sure my horoscope just told me to give up on my dreams and settle for a life of mediocrity.

July 26th

Ah, bloody hell, here we go. Today is the 26th of July, 2023, and the stars are having a proper hissy fit, I tell ya.

Firstly, that fickle little Moon is giving us a wink with Mars, trying to set the stage for some sort of action. So, get off your lazy arses and make something happen, will ya? But don’t go getting all cocky because the bloody Moon is also giving Jupiter the stink eye. It’s a clear message from the cosmos to not bite off more than you can chew, or you might just choke on your own ambition.

Then there’s the Sun, that burning ball of ego, playing footsie with Neptune while it’s throwing rotten tomatoes at Saturn. It’s a classic case of “can’t make up your bloody mind”, isn’t it? A part of you will feel like dreaming big and losing yourself in fantasy, while another part will be too scared to even take a step. In simpler words, you’ll be torn between wanting to be a head-in-the-clouds dreamer and a feet-on-the-ground realist. So, pull yourself together, for heaven’s sake!

On the other side of the ring, we’ve got Mercury and Venus, both of them stuck in some love-hate relationship with Uranus and Neptune. You’ll find yourself torn between wanting to express your feelings and keeping them bottled up. And I’m telling ya, that’s a recipe for a mental meltdown. Be authentic, speak your mind, and don’t worry about shaking things up.

Mars, our warrior planet, seems to be in cahoots with Jupiter but is getting its toes stepped on by Saturn. It’s a celestial reminder that while you should aim for the stars, you should also know your bloody limits. It’s all well and good to have grand plans, but don’t forget to bloody execute them.

And for the love of God, let’s not forget about Pluto. That sneaky little bugger is trying to cause a ruckus with the Sun and the Moon’s Nodes. This is a not-so-subtle hint that it’s time to bury the old and make way for the new. So quit your whinging and start making changes.

Alright, I’m done. That’s what the stars have to say today. Now it’s up to you to take it or leave it. Just remember, you’re the one steering your life, not these celestial gits. So make your decisions wisely, alright?

This is Ragey McSwearington signing off. Go forth and conquer, you mad lot!


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