Alright, listen up you cosmic clusterfucks, it’s Ragey McSwearington here, ready to spit some seriously volatile horoscope wisdom for July 20, 2023. Now, buckle the fuck up, ’cause this one’s a goddamn roller coaster.

Looks like we’re starting off with a New Moon in Leo, and I’ll tell ya, the cosmos are more dramatic than a reality TV star with a tequila bottle. It’s like the fucking Kardashians up there. You’re gonna feel a surge of energy, probably more explosive than your drunk Uncle at Thanksgiving. Don’t piss it away on bullshit; channel it into something meaningful, for fuck’s sake.

And that Leo Sun ain’t helping – still insists on being the center of the fucking universe. Good news though, that big, shiny fucker is forming a friendly chat with Neptune, who’s been in a fucking loop-de-loop over in Pisces. This is like when your abrasive, self-obsessed coworker finally has a decent idea. Might be a good time for some creative shit, or just daydreaming about a vacation somewhere that isn’t this hellhole.

Over in Virgo, Mars is ready to kick some serious ass, but Saturn in Pisces is playing the fun police. It’s like trying to throw a raging house party with your mom on speed dial. There’s a tension here, a fucking seesaw between taking action and chilling the fuck out. Don’t go starting bar fights, but don’t turn into a lazy couch potato either.

Now let’s talk about Mercury and Uranus squaring off. This is like your brain and your gut instinct in a screaming match, and you’re stuck in the middle. Listen, I ain’t got a crystal ball, but this could mean unexpected news or just a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease. Don’t trust every fucking brain fart you have, alright?

And speaking of Uranus, that unpredictable bastard is in Taurus, making nice with Pluto in Capricorn. This is like when two of your shadiest friends become BFFs. You don’t know whether to be relieved or fucking terrified. Expect some unexpected shake-ups in your material world – could be good, could be bad, who the fuck knows?

Jupiter in Taurus and Mars in Virgo are shooting the shit, which is like when your college roommate convinces you to do another tequila shot – it seems like a fun idea until the room starts spinning. So yeah, you might feel optimistic, maybe even a bit reckless. Just don’t go betting your life savings on a fucking horse race.

To cap it all off, Venus in Leo is like that flirty, dramatic friend we all have – entertaining as hell, but a bit exhausting. And she’s about to get into a fucking stare-down with Saturn in Pisces. Expect love and money matters to feel like a goddamn tug-of-war. Like trying to date when you’re broke or getting a promotion at a job you hate. Joy.

So there you have it, folks. July 20th, 2023, is shaping up to be one hell of a cosmic circus. Buckle up, hold on to your hats, and for the love of all that’s holy, don’t be a fucking idiot.

Ragey McSwearington