Alright, listen up, you celestial voyeurs. This is Ragey McSwearington with your no holds barred, raw-as-hell horoscope for the 16th of July, 2023. Buckle the fuck up because this ain’t gonna be a smooth ride.

So, what’s the big fucking deal today, huh? It’s that wily bastard Jupiter squaring off against Mercury, our swift-footed messenger of the gods. What does that mean for you? Oh, I don’t know, how about some goddamn miscommunication and misunderstandings coming your way? It’s like trying to explain quantum physics to a drunk toddler. Good luck with that shitshow.

And let’s not forget the sun making sweet, sweet love to Neptune in a trine aspect. Sure, it might sound all hunky-dory, but what it really means is you’re gonna be stuck in some serious daydreaming. You’re lost in your own damn head while the world passes you by. Wake the fuck up!

And Venus, our love goddess, is getting a rough deal, with a quincunx from both Neptune and Pluto. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, or in this case, between the planet of dreams and the god of the underworld. So, your relationships? Yeah, they’re about to go on a rollercoaster ride of emotional bullshit. Strap in.

And Mars, that red planet of war and strife, well, it’s doing the tango with Saturn, god of time and restrictions. Expect your willpower and drive to be tested like a rookie cop at a donut shop. You’re gonna want to move forward, but life will throw up roadblocks like a street full of construction workers on a coffee break.

But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom. Uranus, the planet of change and rebellion, is sextiling the sun and trining Pluto. This is like a much-needed bolt of lightning to your stale, boring life. Expect the unexpected. Like when your coffee machine suddenly decides to brew beer instead. Surprising, but not altogether unwelcome.

In the end, all these celestial bodies are just doing their own damn thing, and we’re stuck in the middle, trying to figure out what it all means. Remember, astrology is just a guide, not a rulebook.

So there you have it, folks. Your no-bullshit, straight-from-the-hip horoscope for the day. It might be a bit rough around the edges, but so is life. This is Ragey McSwearington, signing off and reminding you to keep your head out of the clouds and your feet on the ground.