Alright, you cosmic clusterfucks, brace yourselves. It’s the 15th of July 2023 and shit’s about to go down, courtesy of the ever unpredictable universe.
You ever feel like a chew toy for a rabid rottweiler? Welcome to today. The Moon is throwing a bloody hissy fit with Venus. Imagine your overbearing mother-in-law and high-maintenance girlfriend having a catfight over who’s the bigger drama queen. That’s the mess we’re dealing with. Emotional landmines everywhere. Navigate this shit show with the delicacy of a bomb defuser, or else you’ll be cleaning up emotional debris for the next week.
On the sunny side, we got the Sun feeling all cosy with Uranus. Expect random strokes of genius amidst the chaos. Like accidentally inventing a perpetual motion machine while trying to fix a jammed toaster.
Meanwhile, Mercury is squaring up with Jupiter like some intellectual street brawl. It’s like that annoying know-it-all from work decided to argue with your beer-guzzling uncle at a family BBQ. Keep your wits about you. This isn’t the day to let some pseudo-intellectual tosser drag you into a futile debate about the meaning of life.
Mars and Saturn are at it like a couple of billy goats on a narrow mountain path. There’s a power struggle going on, with all the grace and elegance of a drunken bar fight. Steer clear of any testosterone-fueled showdowns, unless you fancy a black eye or a bruised ego.
On the flip side, Neptune’s busy having a love fest with the Sun. Picture a dreadlocked hippie and a corporate suit discovering a shared love for reggae. You’ll find moments of clarity in the most unexpected places. Embrace it.
Last but not least, Pluto’s kicking up a fuss with the Moon, the Sun and Venus. It’s like your creepy ex has gatecrashed the party and is stirring up old shit. Expect to dredge up some skeletons from the past. Handle with care and resist the urge to set fire to the emotional dumpster.
In a nutshell, today’s cosmic cocktail is one hell of a concoction. A touch of chaos, a dash of genius, a generous helping of confrontation, and a sprinkle of insight. It’s like chugging a Long Island Iced Tea and riding a rollercoaster – thrilling, nauseating, and a bloody good story if you survive.
Remember, the universe doesn’t give a rat’s arse about our comfort. It’s here to shake shit up and make us grow. So buckle up, buttercups. It’s gonna be a wild ride.
Stay feisty,
Ragey McSwearington