Alright, gather around, folks. It’s time for Ragey McSwearington to give it to you straight. Buckle up and put on your fucking helmets because we’re diving into the astrological shitstorm that is July 8th, 2023.

Starting with that godforsaken Moon, right there, feeling all cozy with Neptune in Pisces. Oh, great. That’s just what we need. Expect your emotions to run as deep as a submarine on a secret government mission. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself crying at dog food commercials or getting teary-eyed over some bullshit meme. Yeah, that’s right, the cosmos is dishing out feelings soup, and you’re slurping it up whether you want it or not.

Next, there’s Mercury in Cancer having a cozy tea party with the Sun. Meaning? Your mind and your damn ego are in sync. Congratulations! You’ll be able to communicate your ideas and feelings effectively. But remember, this isn’t a license to be a chatty Cathy. Nobody needs to hear your childhood trauma stories at a cocktail party, so hold your horses, alright?

Alright, let’s move on to Venus and Mars hanging out in Leo. Hot and spicy, just how they like it. If you’re single, expect the sexual tension to be so thick, you could cut it with a knife. And if you’re taken, your partner better brace themselves for some extra passion. Just make sure it doesn’t burn the house down.

Now, to Jupiter lounging in Taurus. Makes you feel lucky, doesn’t it? Well, don’t get too excited. With all the dreamy emotions flying around, you could end up mistaking a turd for a gold nugget. Keep your expectations in check, lest you want to look like a damn fool.

Saturn is being a prick, as always, in Pisces. Expect to face some harsh realities. Don’t worry, though. You’re tough as nails, remember? You’ve faced shitstorms before and this won’t be any different. It’s just Saturn’s way of saying “Grow the fuck up!”

As for Uranus in Taurus, change is in the air. Expect the unexpected. And I know, that’s cliche as hell, but that’s Uranus for ya. Just be prepared to roll with the punches. Don’t get knocked out now.

Lastly, Pluto in Capricorn. Old man Pluto loves his transformations, but they don’t come easy. Expect a seismic shift somewhere in your life. Don’t fight it, embrace it. Change is good, even if it feels like you’re being dragged through a pile of shit.

So there you have it, folks. The cosmic weather for July 8th, 2023, is stormy with a chance of shit-show. But remember, it’s just a day. Tomorrow, the cosmic winds will blow a different way. Ragey McSwearington signing off. Stay safe, and remember, the stars don’t control your destiny, you fucking do.