Ragey McSwearington, your excessively pissed-off astrologer here. Welcome to this shitshow of a day, July 6, 2023. By the devil’s balls, the cosmos is being a real bastard today.

It’s like the universe decided to hold a cosmic rumble with celestial bodies, just to fuck with us. The Moon is opposite Venus, and Mars too! Picture the Moon, all isolated in Aquarius, getting double-teamed by Venus and Mars like an outmatched boxer. Yeah, it’s that grim. You’ll feel like your feelings are getting their asses kicked. It’s not just you; it’s this cocked-up cosmic setup causing emotional turmoil everywhere. So, cut yourself some slack and let the rage out. Punch a pillow or something.

Sun and Mercury are holding hands in Cancer like they’re going to prom. The sentimental Sun and chatty Mercury are going to make you want to open up about your feelings. But just remember – nobody cares about your feelings, mate. Still, get it out if you need to. Just don’t expect any awards for your emotional revelations.

Venus and Mars are up in Leo having a love fest. Passionate, fiery, but like a house fire – it can warm you or burn your shit to the ground. It’s a crazy ride, this love game. One moment it’s sweet, passionate kisses, the next it’s a fucking heartache. Buckle up, buttercup.

Jupiter is chilling in Taurus, an unmovable object that’ll make you stubborn as a mule today. Meanwhile, Saturn in Pisces is all “Can we not?” It’s in retrograde, walking backwards like a drunken sod. Expect some old shit to pop up that you’d rather forget. Sorry, no choice. It’s time to deal with the past, pal.

Uranus is in Taurus, causing some friction with the Moon. So if you’ve got any surprise mood swings, blame Uranus. Neptune is also in Pisces, and it’s spinning backwards too. It’s like all your dreams are moonwalking out the door. Bloody annoying.

Pluto, the deep dark shit-stirrer, is in Capricorn, going retrograde. Any secrets you’ve buried will come crawling back like zombies. Just when you thought you could forget, Pluto’s like “Nah, mate, remember this fuckup?” Deep breaths. You got this.

Last but not least, we’ve got Chiron in Aries. The wounded healer’s gonna make you confront the fears that piss you off. Feel the rage, use it, and move the fuck on.

So that’s today’s cosmic clusterfuck. Stay strong, stay pissed, and remember – even when the stars are bastards, you’ve still got a fighting chance. Ragey McSwearington, signing the fuck off.