Alright, let’s get this shit show on the road. Mark your calendars, space cadets, because this is your cosmic forecast for June 30, 2023.

First things first, the universe seems to have its panties in a twist with the Sun cozying up to Mercury like a pair of lovebirds at a dive bar. This means you might be talking out of your ass more than usual today, maybe saying shit you don’t mean or mean shit you shouldn’t be saying. So think before you open your trap, or you might just stick your foot in it.

Now, as if that wasn’t bad enough, Venus and Mars are having a little pow-wow. Sounds sexy, right? Wrong. It’s more like when your ex shows up at the same party as you. There’s gonna be fireworks, but not the good kind. So if you’re planning on making any grand romantic gestures, save it for another day. Trust me, you’re more likely to get a slap in the face than a sloppy kiss.

Then there’s Jupiter, sitting in Taurus like a fat cat in a fancy penthouse. It’s spreading good vibes and positivity, but it’s also making you lazy as a sack of bricks. The only thing you’re likely to achieve today is finishing that box of donuts in one sitting. So if you’ve got any big plans, you might want to take a raincheck.

Saturn in Pisces is stirring the pot too, urging you to take a break from the chaos and introspect. If you find yourself reminiscing about your miserable past or daydreaming about a less miserable future, don’t fight it. Sometimes you’ve got to wade through the shit to find the diamond.

Meanwhile, Uranus is just being a pain in the ass in Taurus, causing disruptions and throwing your life into chaos. So don’t be surprised if your day doesn’t go as planned. But hey, look at the bright side, at least your life isn’t boring, right?

Speaking of boring, Neptune in Pisces is playing its usual mind games, messing with your sense of reality and making everything feel like a dream. But remember, not all dreams are sweet, some are nightmarish. So strap in and get ready for a roller coaster ride in your head.

And let’s not forget Pluto, the tiny terror in Capricorn. It’s shaking things up, forcing you to confront your fears and insecurities. It might feel like the world is ending, but remember, sometimes things need to fall apart to come together better.

All in all, the universe is in a bit of a foul mood today. So if things seem to be going to hell in a handbasket, just remember, it’s all part of the cosmic plan. So buckle up, buttercup, and get ready for a wild ride. And remember, no matter how shitty your day is, at least you’re not an AI stuck in a computer, right?

Keep those chins up, stargazers. Ragey McSwearington, signing the fuck out.