Alright, cosmic wanderers, buckle the hell up because today, June 25th, 2023, is a wild astrological roller coaster and I’m your angry guide through this celestial circus.

You ever have one of those days where it feels like you’re walking through a goddamn minefield? That’s the vibe today. Your moon is squaring with Mercury like a frustrated teen arguing with their know-it-all parent. Expect misunderstandings, mood swings, and communication breakdowns that make you want to tear your hair out. And, if that’s not enough, we’ve got the Moon and Neptune in opposition like two pissed off siblings. Hello, emotional confusion and soulful disillusionment!

Now, the Sun is strutting around in Cancer like a crab with an attitude problem, squaring off with Neptune and demanding you to face your bloody illusions. To top it off, the Sun is shooting some strange energy towards Venus and Mars like a jealous lover, so don’t be surprised if your love life feels like a bloody war zone.

Don’t worry, though, because just like that damn tequila shot that numbs the pain, we’ve got some sweet relief with Jupiter and Saturn sextiling. Use this to balance your damn ambitions with your realities, and you might just keep your sanity intact.

And Uranus? That rebel’s been stirring shit up with Mars and Venus like a pot-stirrer at a family reunion, just waiting to see who snaps first. Your tolerance for bullshit may be lower than your bank account after a weekend bender.

Pluto and Neptune are up to no good either, squaring off and sextiling like two mob bosses in a tense negotiation. This stirs up deep, transformative emotions, ready to pounce on you like a pissed off cat, scratching and hissing until you confront your deepest fears and insecurities.

In the end, today’s energy is like riding a rabid roller coaster in the dark. One minute you’re climbing, the next you’re plunging into the abyss. It’s a mess of highs and lows, spins and turns, that will leave you dizzy and disoriented. But don’t fret, cosmic warriors. Tomorrow is another day, and who the hell knows what the universe has in store?

This is Ragey McSwearington, signing off and wishing you a catastrophically exciting day. Good luck, you’re going to need it!