Ah, fuckin’ hell, it’s Ragey McSwearington here, your goddamn angry astrologer with the horoscope for 23 May 2023. Let me tell you, the fuckin’ stars and planets have been a real pain in my ass lately, but I’ve wrangled the celestial bullshit for you. So, strap in, ’cause this is gonna be one hell of a ride.

Alright, let’s start with that bastard Moon hanging out with Venus, like two annoying lovebirds in the sky. Expect some emotional rollercoaster shit today. One moment you’re all lovey-dovey, and the next, you’re ready to punch someone in the face. And with the Moon square Chiron, it’s like life keeps kicking you in the balls while you’re down.

The Sun’s in Gemini, so you might feel like you’re dealing with a split personality. One minute you’re a charming motherfucker, and the next, you’re a moody prick. But don’t worry, the Sun’s got your back with a trine to Pluto, giving you the power to bulldoze through any bullshit that comes your way.

Now, Mercury’s hanging out in Taurus, which means you might be more stubborn than a mule in a mud pit. But hey, you can use that stubbornness to your advantage, especially when you need to stand your ground. Jupiter’s in Taurus too, making you feel like you’re a big shot, but watch out for Mars in Leo, ’cause it’s like throwing gasoline on a fire – shit’s about to get explosive.

Saturn’s being a lazy fuck in Pisces, and it’s retrograde, so you might feel like you’re going nowhere fast. But don’t get too comfy, ’cause Uranus in Taurus is gonna shake things up. You can either ride the wave of change or get your ass handed to you. Your choice.

Neptune’s in Pisces, and it’s like you’re swimming in a sea of dreams and confusion. But Mars is there to give you a reality check, so don’t get lost in the deep end. And with Pluto in Aquarius (also retrograde), it’s like a constant battle between wanting to stick it to the man and wondering if you’re just pissing in the wind.

So, what’s the takeaway from all this celestial fuckery? It’s a day of ups and downs, passion and frustration, love and anger. But hey, that’s life, right? Just remember, you’re not the only one going through this shitstorm. So, buckle up and ride the waves, you magnificent bastard.

This is Ragey McSwearington, your angry, belligerent, and pissed-off astrologer, signing off. Good luck out there, you glorious shitshow.