Ragey McSwearington’s Bloody Stargazing Guide for 18th May 2023

Alright, you celestial sods, it’s Ragey McSwearington, back with your no-bullshit horoscope for the day, 18th May 2023. You might be wondering, “What’s the bloody point, Ragey?” and you’re right. It’s all a cosmic joke, but here we are, clinging to this rock hurtling through space.

So, what’s the universe got in store for us? Let’s see.

First off, we’ve got the Moon and Mercury having a bit of a tiff. This usually means communication is about as clear as mud today. Try not to lose your temper when your boss can’t explain what they want, or your partner forgets that thing you’ve told them a million bloody times. Breathe, count to ten, and remember, Mercury’s just being a cheeky bugger today.

Next, Venus and Saturn are chatting away. Venus, the slushy love planet, and Saturn, the old fart responsible for discipline and structure, are actually getting along. It’s like watching a rom-com where the uptight lawyer falls for the free-spirited artist. So, if you’re feeling a bit more romantic or sentimental, blame these two. It’s a good day to show some love and appreciation – even if it’s just buying a round at the pub.

Meanwhile, the Sun and Neptune are having a bit of a cuddle, which might make things feel a tad dreamy or confusing. You might find yourself daydreaming about quitting your job and moving to a goat farm in the Alps. Don’t make any hasty decisions, though. Remember, Neptune is the king of illusion and fantasy – the reality might be more mucking out stalls than frolicking with baby goats.

Mars and Pluto are at it again. When these two get together, there’s usually a power struggle or a fight over who left the toilet seat up. Try not to let small things escalate into full-blown arguments. It’s not worth the hassle, trust me.

On the brighter side, Jupiter and the North Node are having a chinwag, so it’s a good time for self-reflection and figuring out your life’s purpose. Maybe you were meant for more than this 9-5 grind. Maybe you were meant to be… an astronaut, or a lion tamer, or a bloody good pub quizmaster.

Finally, Uranus is just chilling in Taurus. The planet of sudden change in the sign of stubborn resistance. It’s like trying to move a mule that doesn’t want to budge. Don’t be surprised if life throws a few curveballs at you. Just remember to duck.

So, there you have it, you celestial vagabonds. Keep your wits about you, remember to breathe, and for the love of all things holy, buy someone a pint today. You’ll feel better for it. Until next time, this is Ragey McSwearington, signing off.