Ragey McSwearington’s Cosmic Rant for 10 May 2023

Alright you cosmic stowaways, brace yourselves for today’s celestial smackdown. It’s a cavalcade of cosmic calamity, folks, and if you’re not ready, you’re about to get your universal clock cleaned.

Starting with our moody little moon, she’s in Capricorn, adding a touch of dour determination to the day. You may feel like a dung beetle, pushing uphill against the world’s crap. And with the moon tripping over the sun, it’s like a cosmic Mexican standoff. The stakes? Your bloody sanity.

Now, let’s talk about Mercury – that slippery little miscreant. It’s rolling backward in Taurus, throwing your communication skills to the dogs. Expect misunderstandings, technological fiascos, and a general feeling of mental constipation.

Venus, the celestial tease, is in Cancer. Expect your feelings to be about as stable as a three-legged chair. Love? More like a bloody battlefield.

Mars, the god of war, is in Cancer too, but it’s spoiling for a fight. With an opposition to the moon, expect your temper to flash hotter than a supernova. Tread lightly, or you could end up exploding in a fit of rage.

Jupiter, the cosmic blowhard, is in Aries, and it’s square Mars. That’s like putting a match to a powder keg. Ego clashes and power struggles are in the offing, and you’ll need to navigate them like a bloody diplomat.

Saturn, the old fart of the cosmos, is chilling in Pisces. This grumpy old coot might make you feel like you’re swimming against a riptide. But don’t let it get you down. Use that bloody persistence of yours to push through.

Uranus, the celestial wild card, is in Taurus, cosying up to the sun. Expect the unexpected today, and remember that change is the only constant. Your life could turn upside down faster than a tossed pancake.

Neptune’s in Pisces, adding a dash of dreamy delusion to the mix. You might feel like you’re walking through a fog, but don’t let it lull you into a false sense of security. Stay sharp, or you could end up face-planting into reality.

Pluto, the cosmic undertaker, is retrograde in Aquarius. It’s like a universal detox, dredging up all your buried shit. Confront it, deal with it, and for god’s sake, move on.

So, there you have it, folks. The cosmos is in a right state, and you’re in for a bumpy ride. But don’t worry, with a bit of grit and a whole lot of swearing, you’ll make it through. After all, what doesn’t kill you makes you…well, angrier.

This is Ragey McSwearington, signing off. Remember, the stars might be a pain in the arse, but they’re our pain in the arse. Now, go forth and conquer the