May 1st, 2023. Buckle up, buttercups, because the cosmos is having a field day and it’s not pulling any punches. With that Sun and Mercury hanging out in Taurus, stubbornness is the soup du jour, but you’re going to have to gulp it down whether you like it or not.

Now, that Venus in Gemini is throwing a hissy fit, square with the Moon. You know what that means? Tensions are running high, people are arguing over who left the cap off the toothpaste, and no one’s making any damn sense. So, take a deep breath before you tell your neighbour where they can stick their leaf blower.

Oh, and Mars in Cancer? It’s like a crab with a rocket up its shell, snapping at anything that moves. People are moody as hell, so watch your step or you might end up on the wrong end of a passive-aggressive post-it note.

But wait, there’s more! Jupiter in Aries is acting like a drunk uncle at a wedding, making promises it can’t keep. So, hold your horses before you go quitting your job to join that startup your mate’s been blabbing about.

Saturn’s in Pisces, which means everyone’s drowning in their feelings. And with Neptune also in Pisces, it’s like we’re all in a bloody ocean of emotions without a lifejacket. So, grab a bottle of your finest pity-party wine and float along.

You see that Uranus in Taurus? Yeah, the one sitting there, all smug and steady. It’s going to throw some curveballs your way. Like, you might find out your dog is actually a rare breed, or that the boring guy at work has a secret life as a salsa instructor. So, keep your eyes peeled for surprises, and for God’s sake, try to keep up.

As for Pluto in Aquarius, it’s busy plotting a revolution or something. Maybe you’ll finally clean out your garage, or start that online petition to ban pineapple on pizza. Either way, change is in the air, so you might as well roll with it.

The North Node in Taurus is all about getting your shit together, so it’s high time you made that budget or fixed that leaky faucet. Practical matters are the name of the game, and no, binge-watching reality TV doesn’t count as “practical”.

Last but not least, Midheaven in Taurus are just adding fuel to this cosmic dumpster fire. Expect dramatic declarations and bull-headed determination. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So there you have it. The stars are in a mood, and we’re all just along for the ride. Remember to keep your sense of humor, and maybe invest in some earplugs. You’re going to need them.

Stay feisty, folks. This is Ragey McSwearington, signing off.