Alright, you astrological maniacs, get ready for another round of Ragey McSwearington’s cosmic comedy. Let’s see what the fuckin’ stars have in store for us today, shall we?

So, the goddamn Moon is in Aries, and let me tell ya, this reminds me of the time I got into a bar fight with a guy dressed as a ram. Was it a costume party? No. Did he have any business wearing a full-fledged ram costume? Absolutely not. But you know what? We were both so fired up, we didn’t care. So, today, you might feel a surge of energy that makes you wanna headbutt your problems into oblivion. Go for it, just try not to break any furniture, alright?

As for the godforsaken Sun, it’s squaring up with Pluto. That makes me think of the time I had to have a showdown with my old boss. He thought he was hot shit because he had a bigger office, but I showed him who’s boss by quitting my job and becoming the foul-mouthed astrologer you all know and love. So, if you’re dealing with a power struggle today, remember that sometimes walking away is the most powerful move you can make.

The motherfuckin’ Mercury is conjunct Uranus, which makes me think of the time I accidentally invented a new cocktail by mixing every damn thing I could find in my kitchen. Turned out to be the most delicious and potent drink I’ve ever tasted. Today, let your creativity flow and trust that sometimes the most unexpected combinations can yield the best results.

In the end, what do all these fucked up stories have in common? They’re a reminder to embrace your inner fire, stand up for yourself, and try new things. You never know where life will take you. And remember, life’s too short to waste it on being polite and boring. Embrace your inner Ragey McSwearington and show the world who’s boss.