Alright, listen up, you pathetic shit stains! It’s April 16th, and it’s time for another goddamn horoscope from the angriest astrologer on the planet, Ragey McSwearington. Today, the Moon moves out of its square with Mercury and Uranus, and cozies up to Saturn, who is still busy squaring Venus. You thought you had it bad yesterday? Well, buckle the fuck up, buttercup, because today is a whole new level of cosmic shitstorm.

Now, the Moon joining forces with Saturn might make you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, like a cosmic fucking Atlas. And with Saturn still squaring Venus, you’re in for a rough ride in your relationships. Think of it as if you’re stuck in a room with a bunch of people who can’t decide whether they want to hug you or strangle you – it’s emotional whiplash at its finest.

In the midst of this celestial fuckery, I’ve been trying to find a moment of goddamn peace. So, I took a walk through the park, trying to clear my head and enjoy the fresh air. But of course, some idiot with a drone decided to ruin my moment of zen by flying that noisy piece of shit right above my head. The nerve of some people, I swear!

As the Moon and Saturn continue their tumultuous tango, you might feel like you’re being dragged through the mud. It’s important to remember that even though it feels like the universe is out to get you, it’s just a temporary phase. Like a storm, it’ll pass, and you’ll be left standing in the wreckage, ready to rebuild. You just have to weather the storm first.

So, what’s the message for today, you cosmic punching bags? Embrace the chaos, acknowledge your emotional baggage, and try not to lose your shit at every little annoyance that crosses your path. Remember, we’re all in this together, navigating the clusterfuck that is life, so try to find solace in the small moments of peace and beauty amidst the chaos.

Until next time, you celestial fuck-ups, Ragey McSwearington