Category: News
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HURRAY, PLUTO IS FINALLY RETROGRADE AGAIN – HALLEFUCKINGLUJAH!
Listen here, you starry-eyed oxygen thieves, I have suffered. I have endured a winter so relentlessly suffocating, so cosmically constipated with Saturnian chores and Neptunian gaslighting that even my dreams came with unpaid overtime. But NOW—oh NOW—we are finally gifted with the universe’s one true mercy: PLUTO HAS GONE RETROGRADE. I swear to the gods…
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Glorious Universe, THANK YOU!!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, I’m back! I’m fucking back! Fuck me, that was a close call. I almost lost all joy in life. I went around, in like a daze, for two days–like a zombie. Fuck, it was weird. But I’m back baby, with a vengeance, smile and shut the fuck up message to you,…
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July full moon
Oh, for crying out loud! Another full moon this Saturday. Just when I thought the universe couldn’t screw us over any more, it pulls this stunt. It’s Thursday morning, 1 AM, and I haven’t written a damn horoscope in 8 months. Now I have to deal with this cosmic mess. Why haven’t I been enlightening…
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In the Astrological Trenches: The True Tale of a Star Wrestler’s Hiatus
Alright, you eager beavers, gather ’round because I’ve got some explaining to do. Seems like the horoscope well went dry from July 31st to November the 10th, and I owe you a yarn about the why and the how of this astrological ghost town. Let’s cut to the chase. No, I wasn’t kidnapped by aliens,…
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Why horoscopes for 24th and 25th of July was missing…..
Listen up, ya bunch of star-crossed wankers! It’s your favorite sourpuss astrologer, Ragey McSwearington, back on the job. Missed me? I bet you did. I’ve been away for a couple of days, and you might be thinking, “Oh, Ragey must’ve had a smashing holiday, resting under a palm tree, sipping Mojitos, and sunning his pasty…
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Why the Flaming Inferno We Don’t Bother to Update This Site More Often
Alright, sit down, shut up, and listen, because I’m going to tell you a little story. It’s called “Why the Flying Fudgesicle We Don’t Update This Site More Often.” Sounds exciting, right? Well, strap in, because you’re about to get schooled. First off, let’s clear the air here. I’m Ragey McSwearington, and I’m about as…
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Celestial Harmony: The Powerful Astrological Alignment on April 11th at 11:11 pm
Discover the potent astrological event happening on April 11th at 11:11 pm, as planets align in a rare celestial dance. Embrace the unique energies of this moment to promote healing, transformation, and personal growth.
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The Easter Weekend: Uncovering Astrological Links Between Church and the Moon
Explore the fascinating ties between church, astrology, and the lunar cycles that dictate the timing of the Easter weekend.
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The Zodiac and Easter, The Ugly Truth: A Ragey McSwearington’s Take
Ragey McSwearington’s unfiltered, controversial take on the connection between the zodiac signs and Easter uncovers some surprising revelations.
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Controversial ‘Ragey McSwearington’ Joins Up-and-Coming Online Platform, Promises Unconventional Insight
In a surprising move, Astropla.net, an ambitious platform breaking into the astrology market, has announced the hiring of a new astrologer known for their unique and unapologetic approach to astrology. Joseph Langley, better known as Ragey McSwearington, promises to bring an entirely different perspective to the platform, offering insight and guidance through a no-holds-barred approach