Alrighty, gather ’round lil maggots, come on, sit down, drop your pretenses and lets get this over with. Since most of you reading these words will have a tough time when Pluto enters Aquarius I might as well put on a fake smile and be pleasant.
Yeah, it is that bad. I’m reminded of Churchill saying “When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite”. Well, in this case it costs me, much much more than you can ever imagine, but I shall prevail, coz at least I am not YOU, ignorant fuck.
Hey hey hey, you might say, don’t be so mean! And I hear ya! I wish I didn’t have to even open my mouth in your general direction, much less directly at you. But here we are, me paying for the service of you getting a heads up on shit hitting the fan.
What do I get back? Nothing really, except the pleasure of rubbing it in your face that you come to me, and not the other way around. Yeah, I am that bad, I pay money to feel superior. Even if I know most of you masochistic idiots enjoy the abuse. It’s bittersweet, but i’ll take it.
Let me prime you a bit on Pluto. First of all, it is a planet. Why? Because astrologers says so. Astronomers can go fuck themselves. Astrologically, Pluto’s the ruler of death, transformation, and all that crap about rebirth.
You know, the heavy, dark stuff that makes you question everything while you’re curled up in a fetal position on your bathroom floor. When this little punk shows up in your chart or transits, expect some serious upheaval.
It digs deep into your psyche, unearthing your darkest fears, power struggles, obsessions, and control issues. Basically, Pluto likes to throw everything into the trash compactor and then rebuild it from the rubble.
Here’s a breakdown of the waves of pluto, from last year and forward…
March 23, 2023: Pluto first tiptoes into Aquarius. Yeah, I said tiptoes, because apparently, Pluto thought it’d be hilarious to sneak in like it’s not about to tear your life apart. As if Pluto’s ever done anything quietly.
But sure, let’s pretend it’s easing into Aquarius like a polite guest, instead of the planetary wrecking ball that it actually is. Prepare to question your whole existence, because Aquarius loves abstract nonsense and you love pretending you’ve got a clue. Spoiler: You don’t.
Retrograde Begins: May 1, 2023 (00° Aquarius)
Oh, here we go. Pluto, being the sadistic little bastard it is, slams on the brakes and moonwalks backward through Aquarius. Think you were done with your emotional baggage?
HAH! Now’s the perfect time to haul that crap out and wallow in your unresolved issues. Power dynamics, control freaks, old traumas—it’s all coming back to bite you in the ass. Fun, right? It’s like the universe saw your fragile sense of self and said, “Let’s wreck this even more.”
June 11, 2023: Pluto, in its infinite cruelty, decides you haven’t suffered enough, so it retrogrades right back into Capricorn. Why? Because you still haven’t learned the simple lesson that you’re just a cog in society’s cold, unfeeling machine. Oh, you thought you were special? Adorable. Now sit down and feel the crushing weight of authority and societal expectations. Capricorn’s cold, hard truth: you’re a pawn. Enjoy the powerlessness.
Turns Direct: October 10, 2023 (27° Capricorn)
Alright, Pluto’s moving forward again, but not before it drags Capricorn’s garbage lessons about control and responsibility through your life one more time. You’re probably sitting there thinking, “Hey, maybe I’ve learned something!”
No, you haven’t. Pluto’s just here to remind you how badly you suck at handling life, whether it’s your career, your relationships, or your complete lack of adulting skills. Welcome to the shitshow of maturity, idiot.
January 20, 2024: Pluto re-enters Aquarius, but now it’s done pretending. The gloves are off, and this time, it’s going to smash every system, structure, and illusion you’ve got. Aquarius is all about tearing down the old to make way for the new, and Pluto? Pluto’s the demolition crew.
Expect breakdowns—personal, societal, hell, even your Wi-Fi might turn on you. Nothing is safe. But don’t worry, it’s “for the greater good.” Or so they say.
Retrograde Begins: May 2, 2024 (02° Aquarius)
Just like a toxic ex who keeps texting, Pluto is back at it, dragging you through yet another retrograde. But this time, it’s ripping apart all those big, fancy plans you had for your future.
You know, those grand visions you thought would work out? Watch them collapse like a house of cards while you spiral into existential dread. But hey, maybe a few crises will give you some clarity on what actually matters. LOL, just kidding. You’ll be more confused than ever.
September 1, 2024: Pluto retrogrades back into Capricorn because you still haven’t learned anything. Capricorn is here to remind you that you’re failing at being a responsible adult. It’s like a cosmic slap on the wrist for not having your shit together.
Your job sucks? Relationships a mess? Personal growth non-existent? Good. Let Capricorn rub that inadequacy in your face for a bit longer. You’ve earned it.
Turns Direct: October 11, 2024 (29° Capricorn)
Oh, lovely, more Capricorn. It’s like the universe thinks you need another round of lessons about control, responsibility, and managing your pathetic excuse for a life.
Here you are, crawling through societal demands and personal failures, thinking, “Maybe this is the last time?” Spoiler: It’s not. You’ll keep failing, and Pluto will keep laughing.
November 19, 2024: Finally! Pluto plants its flag in Aquarius for good, meaning you can wave goodbye to Capricorn’s boring obsession with control. But don’t celebrate yet. Pluto’s going to wreak havoc on Aquarius for the next two decades, causing technological chaos, societal upheaval, and probably the collapse of whatever illusion you call “progress.”
Get ready for two decades of revolution, breakdowns, and realizing you’re just a tiny cog in a machine that doesn’t give a damn about you.
Retrograde Begins: May 4, 2025 (03° Aquarius)
Oh great, another retrograde! Just when you thought you were adapting to all this change, Pluto reverses again, yanking you back into the chaos. Get ready to dig deeper into the mess you’ve been avoiding.
Pluto wants you to face every ugly truth you’ve been sweeping under the rug. No hiding now—time to torch it all and start over.
Turns Direct: October 14, 2025 (01° Aquarius)
Sure, things are moving forward again. But don’t get comfortable. Pluto’s not done dragging you through the mud, and you know it. Forward motion? More like walking straight into another wave of destruction. This is Pluto—progress is just the prelude to more pain.
Retrograde Begins: May 6, 2026 (05° Aquarius)
Still clinging to the shreds of your old life? Don’t worry, Pluto’s here to “help” with that. This retrograde is your opportunity to burn everything to the ground—metaphorically, or maybe literally, if you’re fed up enough. Growth, they call it. Yeah, more like emotional arson.
Turns Direct: October 15, 2026 (03° Aquarius)
Moving forward again, are we? Don’t fool yourself. This is Pluto we’re talking about. Even when it’s moving direct, it’s still dragging you through pain, introspection, and the slow process of rebuilding. You might think you’re making progress, but really, you’re just crawling toward the next disaster.
Retrograde Begins: May 9, 2027 (07° Aquarius)
Oh, come on. By now, you should be used to this dance. Another retrograde, another opportunity for Pluto to strip away what little stability you’ve managed to cling to. Expect more reevaluation, more transformation, and more emotional dumpster fires.
Pluto doesn’t care about your plans, your timeline, or your fragile ego. Buckle up for another round of self-destruction.
Turns Direct: October 18, 2027 (04° Aquarius)
Pluto finally gives you a break. But don’t get too smug—there’s always another retrograde on the horizon, ready to toss your life into chaos again. So congrats on surviving—for now.
Alright, as a final little treat from me to you, since I have not given a fuck about you for weeks, let’s rip into the last time Pluto stomped through Aquarius and left a pile of rubble in its wake. That was between 1778 and 1798, and it wasn’t exactly a chill couple of decades.
What went down, you ask? Oh, just some minor little events like the French Revolution, the American Revolution, and the Industrial Revolution. You know, no big deal—just the world collectively deciding, “Screw the old systems, let’s burn everything to the ground and start over.”
Aquarius, being the chaos-loving rebel it is, thrives on revolution, technology, and shaking up the collective. And Pluto? Oh, Pluto’s the one holding the match. So naturally, when these two team up, what happens?
Total societal meltdown. The people were done with monarchies, done with emperors, done with all the old bullshit. And instead of having a polite chat about it, they just… cut off heads. Classic Aquarius energy—why fix what you can violently destroy?
And don’t even get me started on the Industrial Revolution. Pluto in Aquarius dragged society kicking and screaming into the mechanical age. Technology exploded, old ways of working were obliterated, and everything got flipped on its head. Sound familiar? Yeah, it should, because guess what?
This time around, from 2023 to 2043, it’s going to be even worse. If you thought the last couple of decades were rough, Pluto in Aquarius is about to serve you a hot plate of “everything’s on fire.” Technological revolutions? Oh, absolutely. Societal upheavals? You bet.
Governments? HA! They’re about to get bulldozed. Aquarius doesn’t give a damn about your precious status quo—it wants to innovate, disrupt, and leave the wreckage for someone else to clean up. And with Pluto holding the wrecking ball, nothing is safe.
We’re talking AI, robotics, quantum computing, and probably some horrific biotech breakthroughs that’ll make your skin crawl. If you’re sitting comfortably in your little routine, thinking your job’s safe?
Think again. This isn’t the Industrial Revolution 2.0—this is the Industrial Revolution on steroids, with data, algorithms, and automation coming for your livelihood instead of steam engines. And yeah, governments and elites are gonna try to hang on to control. Spoiler: they’re gonna lose. Hard.
Let’s not forget the social revolutions, either. Aquarius is all about the “collective,” so brace yourself for mass movements that’ll redefine everything you thought you knew about society.
Equality, civil rights, the environment—all of these will be shoved to the forefront as people demand change. It’s going to be messy, chaotic, and it’s going to piss off a lot of people. Sound fun yet?
So, here’s the deal: If you like stability, predictability, or having any sense of control over your life, too bad. Pluto in Aquarius is about to take a sledgehammer to every last bit of it.
Buckle up, maggots, because the next couple of decades are going to be a wild ride through chaos, revolution, and whatever else Pluto decides to throw at us.
PS: The Enlightenment
That’s right, amidst all the bloodshed and upheaval, the Enlightenment was born. As if the revolutions weren’t wild enough, humans decided to start thinking for themselves for a change. Novel concept, right?
Philosophers and thinkers began yapping about reason, science, and individual rights—because apparently, they were fed up with blind obedience to outdated authority (I mean, who could blame them?).
You’ve got to hand it to Pluto: it’s not just about destruction; it’s about burning down the house and drawing up blueprints for something better while you’re standing in the ashes.
So, while the French were guillotining their aristocrats and the Americans were flipping the bird to King George, thinkers like Kant, Rousseau, and Voltaire were busy saying stuff like, “Hey, maybe we don’t need to be ruled by kings or priests at all.” Imagine that—new ideas during a time when heads were rolling.
This time around, from 2023 to 2043, you can bet Pluto’s going to stir up some equally radical thinking. Maybe we’ll finally figure out how to use technology without destroying ourselves?
Or, I dunno, maybe we’ll come up with some revolutionary ideas about not being idiots who trash the planet? Hope springs eternal… but don’t count on it.
So yeah, amidst the impending chaos, there might be a glimmer of progress. But, knowing humanity, we’ll probably still manage to screw it up somehow.
NOW FUCK OFF!!