Oh, fabulous. Here we are, halfway through the weekend, and the Full Moon in Capricorn has already turned everything into a complete shitshow. So, here I am, on my supposed day off, feeling the need to vent about the cosmic crapstorm we’re all wading through.

First of all, can we talk about how this Capricorn Moon has everyone acting like they’ve got a stick up their ass? Seriously, I’ve seen more people losing their minds over the tiniest details. It’s like everyone woke up and decided today was the day to become the world’s most insufferable perfectionist. From your boss demanding that every email be sent in triplicate to that one friend who suddenly needs everything to be “just so” – it’s enough to make you want to scream.

And let’s not forget the Cancer Sun, adding its lovely emotional garnish to this already steaming pile of cosmic manure. Emotional outbursts, anyone? Cancer Sun is like that overly sentimental relative who shows up uninvited, drags up old memories, and cries over every little thing. It’s the ultimate mood killer. You’re just trying to get through the day without losing your sanity, and there’s Cancer, making sure everyone feels every damn emotion to the nth degree.

Let me tell you about my Saturday so far. It started with a coffee spill – not mine, of course, but from some moron who thought it was a good idea to have a heart-to-heart with the barista about their existential crisis. Cue the slow-motion disaster of hot coffee all over my shirt. Then, just when I thought I’d escape to the peace of my home, the family group chat explodes with passive-aggressive comments about who didn’t show up to last weekend’s barbecue. Thanks, Cancer, for making sure every slight, real or imagined, is brought to the surface.

Work has been no better. Capricorn Moon has everyone convinced they need to achieve something monumental this weekend. I’ve received more emails and messages about “urgent” tasks that could’ve easily waited until Monday. Apparently, the universe decided that this weekend was perfect for a collective freak-out over deadlines.

And in the grand finale of this f*cked-up day, let’s talk about relationships. If you’re in one, congratulations, because it’s probably been a rollercoaster of emotional neediness and cold, hard criticism. One minute, you’re consoling your partner about a dream they had where you left them for a better version of yourself, and the next, you’re defending your career choices like you’re on trial.

So here’s my advice for the rest of this lovely weekend: detach. Seriously, emotionally disengage. Treat every dramatic outburst like background noise. Focus on something productive that’s entirely within your control, and don’t even think about getting into any deep conversations. This is not the time for soul-searching or life-altering decisions. Just get through it with as little drama as possible.

In summary, this weekend has been a testament to the universe’s perverse sense of humor. The Full Moon in Capricorn and the Sun in Cancer are the cosmic equivalent of being stuck in traffic with a car full of clowns. So, keep your head down, avoid the emotional landmines, and for the love of everything, don’t engage. If you can make it to Monday without tearing your hair out, consider it a win. Hang in there, and may the cosmic chaos be slightly less terrible tomorrow.